Nothing to Lose
by itsasledgehammer
Summary: There's nothing to lose when no one knows your name there's nothing to gain but the days don't seem to change there's nothing to lose my notebook will explain. Slash. better summary inside.


A/N: I want to put this before anything else because this fic is quite serious. I was listening to "Nothing to Lose" by Billy Talent and it just struck a nerve inside of me. I just have to write this. Now, before you freak out, two or three chapters of Wrong Turn will be coming to you either tomorrow or Monday. I just really needed to write this.

Summary: Draco is new in town and befriends a suicidal Harry. Harry is the kid you see in school whom everyone either picks on or ignores. He's the kid whose name is unknown to most. He's the kid who always sits alone in the corner with that mysterious notebook…

One-shot. Non-magic. Song-fic.

WARNING: Slash, mentions of suicide, bullying, implied abuse and swearing.

DISCLAIMER: The plot is mine; Harry and Co. belongs to JK Rowling, and the song "Nothing to Lose" belongs to Billy Talent.

**Nothing to Lose**

The first day in a new school is normally hard for people, but for me, Draco Malfoy, it's quite easy. Everyone in England has heard of my father and in turn they know not to fuck with me. I can make friends easily enough, but they only want me for my money or the fact that they can say 'I'm friends with a Malfoy'. That's why I tend to not get close to anyone. Usually I just boss them around and have them do shit for me. It's just easier.

So as I walked into Hogwarts High the first thing I did was bump into someone. He was the most pitiful and beautiful thing I had ever seen. Messy midnight hair, dazzling emerald eyes behind big (on anyone else) ugly glasses, and the cutest dazed look on his face. I could tell he was shorter than me by about a head, even though he was knocked to the floor when I ran into him. He was also smaller built than me.

"Sorry," I said, bending down to help him. That was odd…I rarely say 'sorry', even to my parents.

"…" The boy didn't say anything,

When I went to say something else the boy was pushed roughly into me, sprawling me to the ground with him on top of me. Hm…I could get used to this. Looking at his face I saw a bright blush form on his adorable, slightly chubby cheeks. I saw a group of kids and I gave them my coldest stare. A couple of them took a step back. The boy then got off me and attempted to get on with the task of picking up his strewn things.

"Oi, faggot, bothering the new kid, are you?" One of them said, kicking a few of the boy's things.

"Excuse me?" I said, taking great offense to the word 'faggot'. I was gay, after all.

"What, you sticking up for the freak?" Another said, grabbing the fallen boy's hair and forcefully pulling him to his feet. A wince came to his face but it was gone as fast as it came, replaced with a look of indifference.

"Yes, and I'm sticking up for all gay people out there. I don't know if he's actually gay, but I am, so I suggest you keep comments like that to yourself." I saw the emerald eyes grow wide at that, and then narrow slightly with another wince.

"You're a pouf, too?"

"Yes, I am. And if you have a problem with it you can take it to my father, Luscious Malfoy." Ha. The kid dropped the boy and ran. I told you: everyone knows whom my father is, as well as how much power he has.

When the others were gone I dropped to my knees and looked carefully at the boy in front of me. He looked my age, but underfed. And there was a slight bruise on his face, almost healed. His glasses were falling off and he reached a hand up to push them back on his nose. Too cute. But his eyes were what got me: the emerald green was distorted by unshed tears.

"Are you ok?" I asked, reading a hand out to touch his cheek. He winced and pulled away, as though I slapped him.

"Fine." Was the short reply I received,.

"I'm Draco Malfoy," I said, holding out a hand for him.

He looked at the hand for a moment, as though trying to figure out if I wanted to shake hands with him or if I was going to slap him. Finally he looked at me and our eyes locked, his hand coming out to grasp mine. As soon as our skin touched a shock ran through me and I could tell he felt it too because he pulled away swiftly, picking his things up once again.

"Harry Potter."

"I'm new here." No shit.

"Yeah, I guessed."

"Why were those kids bothering you?" I asked handing him a few things the kids had kicked.

"Who knows? They always have and always will." Harry paused. "Look, I have to go. Thanks for your help, I guess. And yes, I am gay." With that he was gone, leaving me shocked where I sat.

As he crossed the threshold of the school I saw in his hands a very warn notebook.

How strange.

* * *

Walking into first block I was late, and everyone stopped what they were doing. All eyes were on me and I couldn't help but smirk. In the back corner I noticed Harry, writing in that notebook of his. He didn't even look up at me, but waved his hand a little. He knew it was me. For some reason I found that really sweet. 

"Ah, you must me Draco Malfoy," The teacher said.

"Yes, that's me."

"Why don't you go sit next to Ron. Ron, raise your hand." A redhead in the back did so and I make my way to the empty seat next to him.

"I'm Ron Weasley. This is my girlfriend, Hermione Granger," He pointed to the slightly bushy-haired girl on the other side of him.

"What lunch do you have?" She asked me.

"3B."

"Us, too. You can sit with us and we'll introduce you to everyone."

"Thank would be nice." And when I said that my eyes went to Harry.

Our eyes met.

And I felt guilty, for some reason.

* * *

Lunch finally came and Ron and Hermione brought me outside. There was a group of people sitting at picnic table which they brought me to. 

"Draco, this is Shamus, Dean, Ginny, Fred, George ("No, I'm Fred!"), and Neville." Hermione introduced us.

I sat and they talked about everything that seemed to be normal to them, and once in a while I would say something. Finally we started talking about music…something I love. They began talking about pop and hip-hop, types of music I don't like very much.

"You know who can really sing and write music?" Ron asked.

"Harry," Hermione said, a frown on her face.

Silence.

"Harry Potter?" I asked, wondering if it was the same Harry. Its not like it's a common name.

"Yes, how did you know?" Ginny asked.

"I ran into him…literally, when I was coming into school." I looked around and saw him sitting alone against a tree, no food anywhere near him. My stomach clenched.

"He used to be our friend," Dean stated, taking a sip of his chocolate milk.

"What happened?"

Hey, I was curious.

"A little over a year ago his parents were killed in front of him. He was shot and almost died. He was sent to his aunt and uncle's house. He didn't really talk to us…anyone for that matter…after that. I don't think his relatives treat him very well, but every time someone tries to talk to him about it he freaks out."

"…" For the first time in my life I was speechless.

"He wasn't really our friend, though," Ron said. At my questioning look he continued, "He was always really quiet and shy. When he was little the same guy who killed his parents kidnapped him. I think it screwed him up a bit. Not very social. People at school have always made fun of him. When he hung our with us a little it stopped a bit."

"I feel really bad for him. His life's been kind of rough. Plus he's gay and this town is pretty homophobic," Hermione stated.

Well, then.

"You guys…your not homophobic, are you?" I asked.

"No, not at all."

"Good."

"Are you…?" The question hung in there air. They knew the answer.

"Oi!" A yell interrupted any further conversation.

Looking over we saw Harry and the group of kids from before. His notebook was taken from his hands and the teens began looking through it, laughing, pointing. A look of total humiliation came over Harry's face, tears filling his eyes once again. A page was ripped out, then another, then another. Finally Harry dropped his remaining things and ran.

"I fucking hate people," Ron said, turning away from the sight.

"Then why don't you help?" I spit.

"Because…those kids will have my head as well."

"So…you just sit and watch shit like that everyday."

Everyone at the table had the good grace to look ashamed.

_Ring! _

They were saved by the bell…big time.

I waited for everyone to leave before walking up to Harry's fallen things. I picked everything up and stuffed it in my own bag, then went to the task of picking up every piece of ripped paper. Pretty much everything was damaged beyond reading, but there was one piece of paper with a messily written song on it. I knew I shouldn't read, but I had to…it was as though it called to me.

_"Need more friends with wings_

_All the angels I know_

_Put concrete in my veins_

_I'd always walk home alone_

_So I became lifeless just like my telephone_

_There's nothing to lose_

_When no one knows your name_

_There's nothing to gain_

_But the days don't seem to change_

_Never played truth or dare_

_I'd have to check my mirror_

_To see if I'm still here_

_My parents had no clue_

_That I ate all my lunches_

_Alone in the bathroom_

_There's nothing to lose_

_When no one knows your name_

_There's nothing to gain_

_But the days don't seem to change_

_There's nothing to lose_

_My notebook will explain_

_There's nothing to gain_

_And I can't fight the pain_

_Teachers said it's just a phase_

_When I grow up my children_

_Will probably do the same_

_Kids just love to tease_

_Who'd know it put me underground at 17_

_There's nothing to lose_

_When no one knows your name_

_There's nothing to gain_

_But the days don't seem to change_

_There's nothing to lose_

_My notebook will explain_

_There's nothing to gain_

_And I can't fight the pain_

_There's nothing to lose_

_When no one knows your name_

_There's nothing to gain_

_My notebook will explain_

_There's nothing to lose_

_When no one knows your name_

_There's nothing to gain_

_And I just died today"_

_-Harry James Potter._

Following it was a messily written signature.

I took a deep breath before looking around. No one was there. Good. I fell to my bum and sat there, totally stunned. How could anyone ever feel so screwed up, so alone? Just reading it I felt depressed. So this was how Harry actually felt? How fucking morbid, and how fucking wrong. No one deserved to feel like that.

My eyes narrowed.

I fucking hate people.

* * *

During the last block of school it began to pour, and I ran to my far as fast as I could. Harry's things were still in my bag because I hadn't seen him the whole day. But that sheep of paper I had stuffed in my pocket…for some reason, I needed it there. I needed it to remind myself of what people can do to someone else. 

How evil people can be.

As I drove the roads were barren. It was dark…much too dark for the time of day.

Damn the rain.

Then I saw someone walking, a form quite familiar.

It was Harry.

He was walking around in the freezing rain (believe me, it was very cold for the time of year, rain making it worse) in the clothes he was wearing earlier: too big pants and too big short-sleeved shirt. So I drove up to him and rolled down my window. He stopped to look at me, glasses splattered with raindrops.

"Need a ride?" I asked.

He stared at me for a moment before continuing walking. I was stunned for a second before driving slowly next to him until he stopped to look at me again. I smiled at him the friendliest smile I could muster, for I was getting wet. Our eyes locked again and he nodded, making his way to the passenger side of my Range Rover.

Suddenly his lyrics stuck me again.

I'd always walk home alone

He smiled at me and I smiled at him.

And I knew I loved him.

I don't care if I've known him less than a day. It was like those movies where they see each other once and fall in love. What did they call that again? Oh, yes…

Love at first sight.

Pulling over I handed him his things and reached into my pocket, pulling the sheet of paper out. I handed it to him, his eyes growing wide with shock and embarrassment. Opening it he read what I had read, eyes widening even more. Looking at me he asked,

"You read it?"

"Yes. Your very good, you know?"

"Thank you," He said quietly, looking at his soaked shoes.

"Do you really feel that way?" Another nod. "What does it mean when you said 'And I just died today'?"

"I…" He trailed off. When I thought he wasn't going to do anything more he rolled up his sleeve, revealing a long scar going from the underside of his elbow to his wrist. "I killed myself. I was proclaimed dead for three minutes."

He looked down in shame, but I lifted his chin with my forefinger. We locked eyes for the third time that day, and another spark ran through my body.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this," He said quietly.

"Its because you feel it, too. You feel the spark, the connection. You know that, for some reason neither of us can explain, I love you, and you love me. Its hard to believe, because I met you today, but you know its true."

A nod was the only movement he made, and I moved my head towards his. When out lips met shock after shock ran through my body. His lips soon began moving softly against mine and I wound my hands in his hand, pulling him closer, maneuvering carefully around the stick. Harry's arms wrapped around my neck, and I felt tears roll down his face and onto my tongue.

I was in heaven.

His lyrics weren't true anymore. He had something to lose, now: me.

And I didn't even care that he was dripping all over the leather.

Finished.

NOTE

**"There is life beyond these walls"**

If you see anyone being bullied, do something about it, don't just sit and watch. See what happens when people are pushed around too much? And if you know someone who wants to hurt themselves, seek adult help. Don't leave them to die.

Show them they aren't alone and that someone cares.

Dedicated to anyone out there who has ever helped someone in a similar situation, and people who are in situations like this. Just remember: people do care.

A/N: What did you think? The NOTE at the end I had to put. "There is life beyond these walls" is stated at the end of the music video for "Nothing to Lose".

Please review; I put a lot of work into this.


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